Care and Concern

By Rocky Noe

 
What does it mean to have care and concern? That is a really deep question. Care and concern can come in so many forms. It can be as simple as the care we have for material items, such as our car or our favorite toy. We can have concern for our neighborhoods and communities. We can have care and concern for an elderly neighbor or loved one. However, the idea of care and concern takes on a much deeper meaning when we learn that a loved one is gravely ill. The idea of care and concern really has a large spectrum of emotions. I guess at its deepest level care and concern embodies our deepest emotions.

I think at its very essence care and concern is best defined by the term Love. I came to realize this in some discussions I started having that revolved around our mothers and the lessons they teach us. We don't always take notice of those lessons when they are being taught. We often take note much later in life. Usually something happens to make us take notice of those lessons. Sometimes it is tragic events that make us reflect back.It is often certain times of the year that jogs our memories. I have a very good friend in Perth, Australia. His name is Brian Galbraith. Brian told me a story about his mother. She always had a saying, "Love is for giving and love is forgiving.

I think that is the best definition of care and concern that anybody could come up with. How often have we been the recipient of both sides of that definition when our mothers are concerned. I came across a song that is just so beautiful and it describes the feelings for our dear mothers better than anything I could ever come up with. It is as follows:

MOMMA
By: Boyz II Men

You taught me everything And everything you've given me. I always keep it inside. You're the driving force in my life, yeah There isn't anything Or anyone I can be(without you) And it just wouldn't feel right. If I didn't have you by my side. You were there for me, to love and care for me, When skies were gray. Whenever I was down, You were always there to comfort me. No one else can be what you have been to me. You'll always be, you always will be the girl In my life, for all times [Chorus: ] Mama, mama, you know I love you, Oh you know I love you. Mama, mama, you're the queen of my heart. Your love is like Tears from the stars. Mama, I just want you to know, Lovin' you is like food to my soul. You're always down for me, Have always been around for me, even when I was bad, You showed me right from my wrong, Yes you did. You took up for me When everyone was downin' me. You always did understand. You gave me strength to go on. There was so many times, Looking back when I was so afraid, And then you come to me And say to me, I can face anything. No one else can do What you have done for me, You'll always be, You will always be the girl in my life [Chorus ] Mama, mama, you know I love you, Oh you know I love you. Mama, mama, you're the queen of my heart. Your love is like Tears from the stars. Mama, I just want you to know, Lovin' you is like food to my soul.

It is really a beautiful song. Very soulful, deep, and rich. I think it is a wonderful tribute to the care and concern our Momma's show and teach to us.

Trevor Gay,A good friend of mine from England, described his lessons from his mother this way

I reached 52 years of age before I really understood and properly valued and appreciated all that my Mum offers me. She had always given me unconditional love. I only have great memories of her dedication to me, my brother and my sister.

In the summer of 2004 I reached a crossroads in my life and needed to make some life changing decisions both personally and professionally. Frankly, I did not know which way to go and found myself pouring out my emotions properly for the first time to my Mum. I told her how I really felt for the first time in my life.
My Mum does not have qualifications. She is just a caring woman of average intelligence but her wisdom was awesome. At one point during my outpouring of emotion she came out with a statement that says it all about our Mums.
 
I said “I don’t want to burden you at 75 years of age with my problems – you have enough to deal with yourself.”

I will never forget her reply and it will stay with me for ever … she simply said …

“You are not burdening me by telling me how you feel… I want to know everything about how you feel …...that’s what Mums are for”

Wonderful words, wonderful wisdom, unconditional love, care and concern …all in 25 simple words

 
The thing is, it doesn't stop with the lessons that Momma teaches us. I think the most moving times I have ever witnessed is watching the Love of people shine through in difficult times. I think that care and concern takes on a different role in these circumstances. It transforms into deep compassion driven by love. I see it in so many people. When a good friend of mine from Nigeria speaks of his homeland and the struggles of his fellow man, you can feel the care and concern transform into compassion. When others face life changing decisions and they are supported unconditionally by the one who loves them, you can feel the care and concern turn to compassion. All this is motivated by a very deep feeling of love.

Today I witnessed it in purest form. A couple, very good friends of mine are facing cancer. I was talking with the wife who broke the news to me. Needless to say, I was shocked and felt a great deal of care and concern for this couple. A few minutes later the husband walked in (He is the one with the diagnoses). He was on his way to the doctor to set up surgery. I saw at that very moment the deepest emotions I think I ever witnessed. It was a combination of fear and very deep love and concern. Yes, the great chamelion, care and concern, took on a very different meaning at that moment than I could have ever have realized. I saw more feelings in a fleeting moment than I will ever be able to define. I saw fear,love,regret,sorrow,hope,despair, anger,frustration,dumfoundedness,worry,dread,and confusion. I saw two people relive full lifetimes in a fleeting glance. I saw the very essence of care and concern.

two life stories were told in a single glance. No words spoken. Just a look and two sets of quivering lips and two people pretending to be strong. Both wanting to break down and cry. both wanting to cling to the other in desparate hope. There it was in front of me. The only thing care and concern could do for me at that moment was to make me feel extremely awkward. I didn't know what to say or do. the only thing I could do was try to bow out gracefully and let care and concern work its magic.

I don't know what to do about the sufferings that people face. The only thing I can think of is to let Care and Concern take over, because just like Momma, it seems to know the right things to say and do at the right times. We do not always get the lessons right away, but the lessons always seem to catch us. I don't know if I will ever know how to properly use the lessons taught by Momma and I don't know if I will ever truly learn the various roles of care and concern. what I do know that both are godd and the world could sure use alot more of both. Lets try to spread both, even if we do not truly understand them. The good of both will carry them through. 

About the Author Rocky Noe is a founding member of rattle-the-cage.com. He can be reached at roger.noe@rattle-the-cage.com